Referrals in Mediation & Med/Arb: Why They Are Not About Skill Alone, but About Risk

When lawyers and professionals refer a mediator or med/arb practitioner, they are not simply choosing a name from a directory. They are making a judgment call about risk — reputational risk, professional risk, emotional risk for their client, and the risk of a file unraveling rather than resolving.

Referrals in this field are rarely transactional. They are relational. They are about trust.

Over the years, I have come to see that people do not refer based solely on the résumé, the firm name, or the certificates framed on the office wall — as comforting as those are. They refer based on character, consistency, and confidence in the person behind the work.

In high-conflict family matters, where the emotional temperature can run hot and the stakes include children, stability, and multi-generational relationships, the referring professional is silently asking themselves:

“If I send this file to her, will it be safe there? Will she manage the conflict without inflaming it? Will she hold boundaries, deliver decisions, and carry the emotional weight with steadiness?”

This is not a skills test — this is a risk assessment.

Every time a lawyer picks up the phone and says, “Call Ilana,” they are putting their credibility on the line. They are signalling that they trust my judgment, neutrality, tone, capacity to regulate conflict — and above all — my comprehension of the human element beneath the legal one.

The metric is not only “Is she competent?” It is also: “Is she trustworthy? Is she grounded? Can she hold complexity without becoming reactive?”

When someone refers a med/arb practitioner, they are not just forwarding a business card — they are handing over responsibility. They are entrusting someone to step into chaos, calm the waters, and guide two people toward resolution even when neither is fully ready for peace.

Skills can be listed. Experience can be documented. But trust? Trust is earned — and maintained only through practice, patience, and integrity.

Because ultimately:

People do not refer to reduce effort. They refer to reduce risk. They refer not just to the practice — but to the person.

And that, for me, is the work I continue to honour every day.