Mediation | Ask Yourself these Questions
Mediation Readiness: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Sit Down at the Table
Mediation offers a chance to resolve deeply personal issues without stepping into a courtroom. It's a conversation — structured, supported, and confidential — but still a conversation between people who likely find themselves at odds. And that makes readiness key.
Being legally prepared is one thing. Being emotionally and mentally ready is something else entirely.
If you’re contemplating mediation, or it’s just around the corner, here are five grounding questions to ask yourself before you take your seat at the table.
1. What do I really want — and what am I willing to let go of?
This may sound like a practical question, but it’s a deeply emotional one. Beyond the checklist of parenting time or financial arrangements, ask: what outcome allows me to move forward with peace? And what am I clinging to that might be more about the past than the future?
2. Am I coming to be “right” or to find resolution?
Mediation is not about winning. It's about finding a workable, often imperfect, path forward. If you’re still focused on proving a point or assigning blame, it may be hard to see creative solutions. Being right doesn’t always lead to resolution — being open does.
3. Can I listen — even when it’s hard?
Active listening is one of the quiet strengths of effective mediation. You may not agree with what’s said, but if you can stay curious instead of defensive, the process tends to unfold with more clarity and less resistance. Listening doesn't mean conceding — it means considering.
4. What emotions am I carrying into the room?
Resentment. Fear. Grief. Even guilt. All are natural companions in the aftermath of separation or conflict. But unacknowledged, these emotions can hijack the conversation. Take a moment to name what you’re feeling, so those feelings don't speak louder than your voice.
5. Am I willing to stay at the table — even when it gets uncomfortable?
There’s no way around it: mediation involves discomfort. But leaning into that discomfort, with the help of a skilled neutral, is often where the real shifts happen. The willingness to stay present when things get tense can mark the difference between breakdown and breakthrough.