Why Does it take so Long to Get a Divorce?
Why Divorce Takes So Long — And What You Can Actually Do About It
Divorce isn't just a legal process — it’s an emotional and logistical marathon. While every case is different, most delays in divorce stem from a handful of recurring themes. Here’s why things can drag on, and what (if anything) you can do about it.
1. Emotions Are the Biggest Culprit
Divorce is fueled by hurt, anger, fear, and grief. These emotions often cause one or both spouses to:
Fight unnecessarily
Stonewall or delay communication
Refuse to settle even when terms are fair
This emotional tug-of-war increases conflict, time, and cost. As one wise professional put it, “Divorce only moves as fast as the slowest person.”
2. The Legal System Moves Slowly — By Design
Courts are built around mandatory waiting periods, procedural timelines, and backlog. Every motion, case conference, or trial has to follow set timelines. Add COVID-related delays, and you’ve got a system that’s anything but fast.
3. Lawyers Aren’t Magicians
Contrary to popular belief, most divorce lawyers aren’t trying to drag things out. They’re ethically obligated to be thorough, which takes time. A good lawyer will want to explore all options before settling — and that doesn’t happen overnight.
4. Finances Complicate Everything
If one spouse hides assets, delays disclosure, or if complex properties (like pensions, businesses, or investments) need to be valued, things can slow down dramatically. Financial experts and valuations don’t work on anyone’s schedule but their own.
5. Sometimes Delay Is the Strategy
Some spouses slow things down intentionally — to let the kids adjust, to deal with emotions, or, frankly, to buy time if they’re financially dependent. Occasionally, this delay is wise. Other times, it’s manipulative. Either way, it slows progress.
So... What Can You Do?
Try Mediation: A neutral third party can help move negotiations forward, especially around parenting plans.
Get Full Financial Disclosure: Don’t settle until the numbers are clear.
Pick Your Battles: Some things are worth fighting for. Others... not so much.
Stay Grounded: You can’t force speed, but you can manage your expectations.
Ultimately, your two options are:
Rage against the delays.
Take a deep breath and find a way to work with them.